HOW TO DEVELOP A GOD KIND OF LOVE
Someone was asked to explain what he understand as love and this is what he said "Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person". Unfortunately, this is how many of us see love, thus our approach to relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, we believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.
So what is love ― real, lasting love? Love is the attachment, which results from deeply appreciating another goodness. The word "goodness" may surprise you. Your understanding may vary from mine. But because I see love as a choice. I see it as something very active. I see love as something one can make happen. You can create it by focusing on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily. If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen - it must be made to happen.
So what is love ― real, lasting love? Love is the attachment, which results from deeply appreciating another goodness. The word "goodness" may surprise you. Your understanding may vary from mine. But because I see love as a choice. I see it as something very active. I see love as something one can make happen. You can create it by focusing on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily. If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen - it must be made to happen.
The God kind of love (Agape - Unconditional) is the number one kind of love, and is the ultimate, as demonstrated by God over the goodness of his creatures. It is recorded in the good book that God looked at all HIS creatures and HE said "this is good". He appreciated it so much HE had to make man in HIS image to take care of these creatures. HE loves the goodness of HIS creatures that even when man HE gave charge faltered, HE send down HIS angels to take charge. the bible has it recorded in John 3:16 "that God so love the world that HE gave HIS only begotten son to die..." in other to save it. God knew the amount of goodness HE has deposited into this world, and HE appreciated it so much to tune of sacrificing HIS only begotten son in place of it.
STEPS TO DEVELOPING TRUE LASTING LOVE
Think of love as an action, not a feeling. A feeling is something we get from someone, and when we stop getting it, we often change our behavior somehow. Feelings can not last, but you can renew them continuously with new actions. If we have to do something, or be a certain way, in order to receive love, that love is conditional. Instead, if you start thinking of love as the behavior itself, the reward becomes the feeling you get when you act a certain way, not when someone else acts a certain way (even in our sins God still loves us). And you can continue acting this way all the time, regardless of how other people behave--it becomes an act of generosity. As Stephanie Dowrick says her book, "love is not love except when it is generous."
Action affects feelings. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving charity will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving. While most of us believe love leads to giving, the truth is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. What is giving? True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
Always ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Love isn't really one side fits all; hence God directed us to love HIM back as HE has loved us first. Because is only when love somebody you tends to safeguard the person, you become 'the brother's keeper', give your all, look out what is best, and in doing so it allows you into the person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself, as God invested himself in us through Christ Jesus. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you. Because deep love (platonic or intimate) emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time.
Remember that love doesn't mean making sure someone is always comfortable. If you believe loving someone is about fostering their growth, most people acknowledge that pain and discomfort are part of growth, and if you shield someone from all pain or discomfort, you are not loving them. So, don't confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from any kind of pain. If you do, you are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings. God the All - Knowing understands this, that is why HE doesn't shield HIS own totally off the difficulties of life, HE let them pass through it but comes out better off. Another reason this step is important is because if you don't follow it, you're well on your way to becoming a people pleaser, which means you are not being unconditionally loving to yourself. Instead, recognize the times when doing what is best for you will occasionally have you out of sync with another. Just as God doesn't please us, but does what is best for us.
Consider that if love is unconditional, it is given to everyone freely, including yourself. Remember that bible passage Matt 10:8 "Heal the sick.....freely you have received, freely give." For God so love the world that HE freely gave HIS son without been demanded of. HE just chose to give. Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, a conscious one. The one you decides come rain come sun.
Allow yourself to reap the benefits. If you've ever had a moment when you practiced unconditional love, whether spontaneously or deliberately, you probably felt energized and liberated, not drained and burdened. The more often you feel the the former after acting a certain way, the more you're loving unconditionally.
Forgive. This is the climax of love - forgiving. Even if someone doesn't apologize, it's inherently loving to the person and yourself to let go of your anger and resentment. Keep in mind Piero Ferrucci's advice that forgiving "is not something we do, but something we are." Again, don't mistake being willing to forgive for letting people walk all over you. How you act (lovingly) toward the person will vary, but your ability to practice unconditional love will be clouded if you hold on to negative feelings. Every relationship has its ups and downs. The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless affair, or choose to just love the person, but is only when you choose to just love that person would you have demonstrated forgiveness. If someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." Relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving ― not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.
NB: Forget not is not by our power but by the spirit of God, invite him and the rest will be ABC.
If all of me loves all of you and vice versa, what a wonderful world!
Action affects feelings. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving charity will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving. While most of us believe love leads to giving, the truth is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. What is giving? True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
Always ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for this particular person in this particular moment? Love isn't really one side fits all; hence God directed us to love HIM back as HE has loved us first. Because is only when love somebody you tends to safeguard the person, you become 'the brother's keeper', give your all, look out what is best, and in doing so it allows you into the person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself, as God invested himself in us through Christ Jesus. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you. Because deep love (platonic or intimate) emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time.
Remember that love doesn't mean making sure someone is always comfortable. If you believe loving someone is about fostering their growth, most people acknowledge that pain and discomfort are part of growth, and if you shield someone from all pain or discomfort, you are not loving them. So, don't confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from any kind of pain. If you do, you are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings. God the All - Knowing understands this, that is why HE doesn't shield HIS own totally off the difficulties of life, HE let them pass through it but comes out better off. Another reason this step is important is because if you don't follow it, you're well on your way to becoming a people pleaser, which means you are not being unconditionally loving to yourself. Instead, recognize the times when doing what is best for you will occasionally have you out of sync with another. Just as God doesn't please us, but does what is best for us.
Consider that if love is unconditional, it is given to everyone freely, including yourself. Remember that bible passage Matt 10:8 "Heal the sick.....freely you have received, freely give." For God so love the world that HE freely gave HIS son without been demanded of. HE just chose to give. Unconditional love is a new decision you need to make in every situation, a conscious one. The one you decides come rain come sun.
Allow yourself to reap the benefits. If you've ever had a moment when you practiced unconditional love, whether spontaneously or deliberately, you probably felt energized and liberated, not drained and burdened. The more often you feel the the former after acting a certain way, the more you're loving unconditionally.
Forgive. This is the climax of love - forgiving. Even if someone doesn't apologize, it's inherently loving to the person and yourself to let go of your anger and resentment. Keep in mind Piero Ferrucci's advice that forgiving "is not something we do, but something we are." Again, don't mistake being willing to forgive for letting people walk all over you. How you act (lovingly) toward the person will vary, but your ability to practice unconditional love will be clouded if you hold on to negative feelings. Every relationship has its ups and downs. The downs can be really low ― and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless affair, or choose to just love the person, but is only when you choose to just love that person would you have demonstrated forgiveness. If someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." Relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving ― not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.
NB: Forget not is not by our power but by the spirit of God, invite him and the rest will be ABC.
If all of me loves all of you and vice versa, what a wonderful world!
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